


you gotta heal, not just get fixed

by Pups_Side_Box (Puppyinabox)



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smoking, and listen to wade talk through it, fuck the timelines, hurt comfort, i mean like romance if you squint, let me jsut project onto peter, ok that's enough, spideypool mostly if you squint, wade wilson the wise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 10:33:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18990907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puppyinabox/pseuds/Pups_Side_Box
Summary: Peter and Wade share some cigarettes and coffee and work through traumatic pasts.this is set similar to the comic verse where parker is a ceo and all that and still spider-man and wade is still... well wade.  but i tweaked it a bit so peter is more like peterb and also a bit more like the tom holland peter in that tony=father figure.also this has spoilers for endgame and also for the far form home trailer.(by the way scott"skip"westcott is a character from the comics who assaulted and abused peter as a child.  i dont know if he's involved in the current cannon but still)





	you gotta heal, not just get fixed

When peter heard the door from his apartment to the balcony open he didn't turn. He knew who it was. Instead he sighed, letting the blue-grey smoke leave his lungs and curl in the air around him,  
“Didn’t know you had this address.” he said softly with a smile,

“The world wide web is an insightful place, spidey.” wade joked as he stepped out onto the balcony with him. He had casual street clothes on along with his mask. Peter offered him the cigarette in his hand and he took it. He lifted his mask and took a drag then handed it back.  
“Those kill y’know. I mean not for me but-”

“Why are you here?” peter interrupted. He wasn’t necessarily mad, but he wanted to know instead of sitting through wade’s way of getting to the point.

“Some mark got to me.” wade sighed, “thought I’d come to talk to you about it.”

“Why me?”

“He mentioned you.”

Peter hummed, “if it’s important we should take this inside.”

“Oh I mean the guy’s dead. And he wasn’t in some big organization, just… he just messed with a lot of people and one just happened to come to me.”

Peter looked wade over carefully, noticing more how he kept his hands in his pockets when he didn’t have the cigarette they were passing back and forth, or how his shoulders were tense. This guy must have really gotten to him.

“A stalker?”

“Of sorts i guess.” wade wasn’t one to be silent or hesitate before he spoke.

Peter took a longer drag from the cigarette and put it out in the crowded ashtray on the balcony railing. He nodded and lead wade back inside through the sliding glass door to his living room. He sat wade down and got to making two cups of coffee. He leaned by the counter as the keurig hissed,

“Something is wrong with you.”

“Gosh, I sure don’t get hear that one often” peter could hear the sarcastic smile on wade’s lips,

“I mean it, what’s wrong.” peter set a cup of coffee down for wade who quickly took it in his hands and took a sip,

“You remembered how i take it.” wade observed,

“Well this is one of many times.” peter said tiredly. Wade laughed a little but peter kept his gaze serios, “can we please talk about this? What is up? So this guy mentioned me and he was some kind of creep. That’s nothing new.”

“This is different.”

“What was his name?”

Wade avoided the question, “he said he knew you.” then he winced as if what he said only made the situation worse. It worried peter more but he still was more curious and worried about wade,

“Wade… his name.”

“Scott. Scott Westcott.” wade blurted out.

Peter’s face fell and the grip he had on his mug tightened. The two of them stared at each other until peter cleared his throat and looked at the floor.

“I see.” he said, his voice shaky.

Silence fell in the room. Peter became hyper aware of his breathing and his muscles tensed and his hands shook.  
“He’s dead?”

“Yeah.” 

Peter nodded and fumbled for a cigarette, only to find an empty box in his pocket. He got up and rummaged through a few drawers before he found another box and took out a cigarette and lit it. He normally tried not to smoke inside, he didn’t want people to be bothered by or notice the smell. Wade got up and followed him,

“Hey, hey… it’s ok, you’re ok.” he said softly, his hands out in front of him,

“No. no this isn’t ok.” peter muttered, “how- who-... do i even want to know?”

“Know what?”

“Who hired you to kill him?”

“Some woman. Said she was from queens and that she found my card in a bar. I must have still had some of those ad cards lying around the city.”

“Did he-” peter trailed off,

“Her? Yeah i think so.” wade scratched his arm.

“Was he scared?”

“What?”

“Was he scared? When you killed him.”

“Peter-”

“Tell me. Please.”

“Yes.” wade answered, trying to smile with pride. But all he could feel was that cold, heavy feeling in his stomach. He was worried about peter.

“Tell me more.” peter sat on his kitchen floor and looked up at wade, his expression commanding him to sit down with him. Wade crouched so he was at eye-level

“He had a house in port jefferson on long Island. No pets, no family… he was the friend of the neighborhood but-”

Peter cut him off with a bitter laugh but waved for him to continue,

“But all in all no one should notice he’s gone until a while after tonight.”

“Did he suffer?” peter watched the orange-red glow of the end of his cigarette slowly move down towards the bud.

“Wish i could say he suffered greatly, but i think he only suffered a bit.” wade traced the kitchen tiles with his fingertips, “he begged like the rest of them, bled like the rest of them, and died like the rest of them. Only difference was…”

“Me.”

“Yes.”

“What did he tell you?”

“Enough.” wade answered. Peter nodded and got up, walking past wade to the balcony again.

“Peter-”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,”

“Yes.”

“Peter, no you’re not, look i get it-”

“Im fucking fine!” he shouted, “I run a fucking company and I have a life and this apartment and I’m an avenger for christ’s sake! I’m a powerful man Wade!”

“Yes peter, I never said-”

“So I’m fine. He’s dead. And that’s that. No use being miserable about the past.”

“That’s no how it works.” wade said, taking a few slow steps towards peter, “you and I both know that.”

“The fuck do you know about this?”

Wade sighed, glanced towards the audience, then said, “i know.”

Slowly he reached peter and gently took the cigarette from his hand. He took a drag and said, “it’s tough.” smoke fell from his scarred lips as he whispered, loud enough for peter to hear, “even after they’re dead it still hurts. And you’re still scared. Even after they’ve been out of your life for years, it still hurts.”

“This… this isn’t the same as francis… francis was wor-”

“Im not talking about francis. And yeah francis was worse for me, but this was still big, and it was still big for you. Comparing and competing only hurts both of us, so please don’t.”

Peter nodded,

“My uncle.”

“What?” peter turned to look at wade’s face, only then noticing his mask was gone. Maybe he took it off inside.

“It was my uncle.” wade sighed, “my dad didn’t care enough to be around and certainly didn’t care enough to notice the little things… the bruises, the steins, the wincing, the way my eyes would get frantic even when he was mentioned, the looks he’d give me.”

“Oh.” peter said quietly,

“Yeah.”

“It’s funny… in a sad way i mean.” wade laughed,

“What is?”

“Well look at the both of us. Red suit, crime fighting, ptsd, cigarette.”

Peter smiled a little, “two peas in a pod i guess.”

“Meant to be!” wade grinned. That grin fell into a soft smile, “vanessa and I-... we used to play darts sometimes… on bad days she would write names on the dart board and spend hours throwing those little things. Hit me in the shoulder once, but it was fine… i mean it wasn’t fine but it was how she dealt with it.”

“Broken attracts broken.” peter joked,

“You’re not broken,” wade said, “just hurt.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Broken implies you should be fixed. Fixed implies you just need to be productive to do better and to be better and to matter. But that’s not it. You’re hurt. So you gotta heal. Healing is for you, getting fixed is so other people don’t have to deal with you being hurt.”

Peter smiled and took the cigarette from wade, then put it out, “i guess.”

They watched the city below them hum and move until peter spoke up,

“Stark-... tony once said to me that he believed I could fill his shoes, take his place one day. Everyone hoped I would. The world needed a new ironman. When all this was happening i just… i got so scared. I didn’t want my name to be known, i didn’t want to be famous. I was scared he’d come back… and find me again and hurt me again. That’s why i never told anyone i was spiderman. That’s why it’s still my secret to keep. I can never do what tony did… i’ll never-”

“Except he’s dead.”

“W-what?” peter asked, startled,

“Oh! Gosh no- i didn’t mean tony! I mean he’s… uh… i meant scott.”

“Oh, right.”

“Yeah! He’s dead.”

Peter shook his head, “i still don’t think i’ll be ready for a while.”

“That’s ok. You don’t really ever have to get there, you just have to heal.”


End file.
